some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
