Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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