Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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