he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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