Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
