My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
