I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
