Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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