so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
