dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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