I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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