I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm at about main and main street
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
