He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
