i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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