why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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