thus making me awesome and them whores
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
