he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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