She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
