Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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