is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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