Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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