Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
