We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
