So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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