Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
