I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
