a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
