I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
