meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
