STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
