just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
