I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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