Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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