Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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