No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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