Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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