My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
