wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
