this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im six kinds of drunk right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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