Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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