I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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