just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
