well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
