Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
