He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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