I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
