make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
