Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
