Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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