you would pick up someone in the library
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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