eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am available for nakedness
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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