"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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