just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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