They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
