Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
