Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
