Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
