70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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