I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
