Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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