I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
