Don't you send me to vm
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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