I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
