She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
