Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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