she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
