those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You made out with two different species that night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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