Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
