saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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