I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize