every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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