I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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