He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
