shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He better not be in your backpack
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
